


This is Gallifrey, our Childhood, our Home

by OrphielBurrito



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3345797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrphielBurrito/pseuds/OrphielBurrito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before there was the Doctor, there was a boy called Theta-Sigma. This is his story - but not only. [As faithful to canon as possible, with some interpretations regarding relationships because I can. Expect a lot of Thoschei]<br/>This work was previously published on ff.net under the pseudonym Meggido.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The escape

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello !  
> So, first of all, I suck at notes. I'm generally "that silent writer who never writes notes". But hey, that's not very warm and welcoming, is it ? So ... first of all, thank you for being here. Yes, you. I'm glad that you're interested in reading my work.  
> As the summary tells you, this (very, very) long fic will tell the tale of Theta-Sigma and Koschei at the Academy. I try to be as faithful to canon (Big Finish and Classic mostly) as possible but there's a lot of info and sometimes it contradicts itself, so I hope you won't mind too much.  
> What else can I say ? It's up to you now, I think ! Enjoy your reading my dears :)

It seemed like they were all chanting while marching for battle, that from their lungs came a song to carry them further and further. They would all be dead by dawn, however strong and entranced they were, because the President would never allow them to live. He knew very little about the outside world but one thing was for sure : there wasn't a single planet in this universe where treason was regarded as something worth honouring someone.

The battle was raging. He could see it in a distance, see the flames and the blood, hear the cries of those who would lose their lives for an ideal that would never be reached. He had no choice but to run away, run as far as he could and never stop, for soon the guards would be coming after him to bring him down.

It was not a time for regrets. He didn't regret a single second that he spent fighting and running, he didn't regret the hiding, the lying, the mistaking. Raising his chin, his hands on his jacket's lapel, he looked down on the land he used to love and despise at the same time – this land poisoned by corruption, by contempt and coldness. There was a dream, a dream that they could change it, make it a better place. All gone, now. The President's army would decimate the rebels and leave them no choice but to surrender. Maybe someone else would be elected but they wouldn't be any better. It was a battle already lost a long time ago.

But this was Gallifrey, his childhood, his home.

Gallifrey burning in the flames of a war – not the first, probably not the last. Gallifrey falling a little deeper every time, every time that some young man with high ambitions would want to change the world and fail. The worst was yet to come and he knew it, deep inside his soul, he knew that there were darker times ahead, and yet he couldn't even picture his hearts beating louder, his eyes being filled with more tears.

He had to go. The signet ring had done its job and opened the ship, Arkytior was already inside, safe and sound. Soon, the President's army would trace his location and he would be killed, imprisoned – or worse. But he couldn't take off, not quite yet, not when there was still the slightest chance... The slightest chance that his friend, his best friend, the one person he would always forgive, always trust, the one person he would never, ever lie to, that the fool who led this rebellion to this terrible climax would show up.

He could remember their last conversation, when they were sitting close to the fire in the barn where he had chosen to hide. Just the two of them, for the first time in a very long time, shoulder against shoulder, hands almost touching, whispering about the future. How they would reach the repair workshop, how they would find their way to a TT capsule, how they would then take off to discover the universe – together. Oh, how his hearts had beaten when the other agreed. Hearing Koschei say yes, say that he would come along, it was a childhood dream come true. To see the stars with him, to go and wild adventures before coming back to the ship and discuss about silly philosophical questions, to fight about the vainest thing, to forgive the other, to go again...

The sound of footsteps approaching made him almost jump out of hope and excitement but instead of his friend's delicate silhouette, it was the much taller and more impressive one of the last person he wanted to meet here. Glaring at him above his half-moon spectacles, hands crossed behind his back, the President's Lord Burner approached, as silent as ever. He had meant for his footsteps to be heard, no doubt of that, for this creature could be as discrete as a shadow if the situation required it. An act of mercy, maybe, to give him enough time to flee – or maybe a game to see if he would be so daft as to think he had a chance.

It was over, he knew it. The Lord Burner would erase him from history and all memory of him would cease to exist. It was the worst thing that could ever happen and he knew it to be quite painful, though that was not what made him shiver in horror at the idea – but rather the perspective of being forgotten by everyone, including the one he would never forget, even lost in oblivion.

« He is not coming, » said the Burner, calmly, without showing any sign of anger or violence.

And it was all. Not another word spoken, no expression on his face, no movement. He is not coming. Did he come all the way just to deliver this message ? But why ? His mission was obviously to erase him from history and he had never known this man to fail. They said that he had no feelings whatsoever, that he didn't even have the ability to smile, and though the rumours were untrue, he was still the most ruthless creature on the planet.

In an inexplicable gesture, he showed the capsule with his arm, still glaring at the fugitive.

« Go, now. No one is joining you. He is leading the last battle and will probably lose his life in doing so. He was never going to come – you know it to be true. I already warned you a long time ago to choose your friends more carefully and you didn't listen, as usual. You did whatever pleased you and look where it got you. Go. »

The army was coming near and he could hear them, feel them approaching. The Lord Burner didn't even flinch and his moves were so fast that they almost looked surreal when he took a long blade out of his cane. The fugitive stepped back, worried that this sword might be destined to him, but his opponent simply frowned and nodded towards the ship before turning back to go and meet the army.

Koschei's rebellion would fail against the President's forces, no matter how numerous they were – but they were not him. All alone in front of armed men, he could buy the fugitive more than enough time to run. It would cost him his job, his position, maybe his life, and still he was standing there, blade in hand.

He was the greatest liar of all times and yet, this time, the fugitive didn't think his words to be untrue. Koschei wouldn't come. He never had the intention to. Part of him wanted to believe that his friend did so to protect him, to make sure that he would run away and never look back.

He stepped inside the ship, glancing one last time at the Burner standing tall, ready to welcome the army with his frozen voice. He was surprised to meet the other's eyes and ever more to see a faint smile appearing on his lips.

« Thank you, brother, » he whispered before closing the door.


	2. The blackest day of his life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone ! Here we go for the second chapter of this fic. I hope you will like it :)

He really didn't want to attend the Prydonian Academy. If anything, he was a scientist, an artist, certainly not a politician, but as usual, nobody considered giving him a choice. Quences, his house's Kithriarch, had requested that he could attend the Prydonian Academy and become a Time Lord, without consulting him. Apparently, the Matricians had predicted that he would become the most influential Time Lord since Rassilon, which Quences had regarded as a most important prophecy. You are going to be someone important, someone grandiose, and you cannot fail us by refusing your destiny. You are going to give the Lungbarrow House its glory back.   
As if. He didn't want to be someone important, he didn't want to give the House its glory back. That was his elder brother's job – but nobody cared about Irving these days. Nobody cared about the fact that he ranked so high in the Academy that the governement had contacted him to make him an unofficial ambassador of Gallifrey and send him away in the universe, nobody except for him. Because having an older brother away in the galaxy meant that he could never do the same.  
He wanted to be an explorer. That was his dream – the only thing he ever wanted to do. Of course, the galaxy and the universe had already been explored long before he was born, everything had been seen and mapped a long time ago, but he still wanted to see it all for himself. Being a politician didn't seem to go along very well with this plan. He couldn't picture himself sitting in a chair giving stupid advice and ordering people to do things forever, that would probably kill him sooner or later. He needed fresh air, he needed to run and to jump and to call out at the sky, preferably not alone.   
He was mumbling for himself as he climbed the mountain, looking for the Hermit that inhabited it. Everything around him was only dull-coloured rocks and weeds, nothing interesting, nothing beautiful. Gallifrey looked so awful at that time of the year, so grim and boring – why was he still around ? Why was he staying around this dreadful planet that had nothing to offer him ? He could simply run away with Braxiatel and conveniently disappear in some place he would like. But no, of course not, he was watched all the time, he couldn't make any single decision for himself and his life wasn't his own anymore, if it had ever been. In a few days, he was supposed to enter the Academy, to go to this stupid school with these stupid uniforms and these stupid teachers, to score as high as possible to become the most influential Time Lord since Rassilon.  
That didn't sound like a good plan.  
The Hermit lived in some kind of tent overlooking his father's estate. Just like everywhere else on the mountain, his land was nothing but rocks and weeds, nothing coloured nor bright, nothing that caught the eye, and the Hermit himself was rather dull. He was an old man with a white beard and the eyes of a very myopic creature, pleated to try and discern the details of what was surrounding him. His voice was high-pitched and toneless as he asked who was coming to him.   
« So you're the boy from the Lungbarrow family... the one they're sending to the Prydonian Academy to get a political education ? I can't see anything of a politician in you. »  
Me neither.  
« I came to get some answers, » he said, gathering the courage to stand tall in front of the Hermit. « I don't know where my life is going. I don't want to go to the Prydonian Academy, I don't want to be a politician, I want to be an explorer. But I'll never be one, right ? My brother is already gone in the universe, they'll never let me do the same. And what if I have to stay here ? I don't want to. I hate this place. I hate this planet, I hate everyone on it. Well, not everyone, there's my friend from the Oakdown estate, but I hate everyone else. They're shallow and petty and they hate me back. Torvic and Anzor, for example, they keep on bullying me. They hit me all the time and they say I'm worth nothing. They're both heading to the Prydonian Academy too, they're going to bully me there, I'll never be at peace. Here I can retreat in my home but I won't be able to do the same in the Academy, because we'll have dorms and they'll be able to enter the dorms. »  
As his speech went on, his voice filled up with tears and he found himself almost sobbing at the end, unable to gaze at the Hermit in the eyes. The old man didn't seem really interested in what he had to say, he kept on drawing circles in the sand with a stick, as if he was just bored by everything around him. When he seemed to be certain that the boy had finished his speech, he got up and showed the boy a flower. It was nothing much, just a flower with red petals and a silver core, spreading its leaf desperately towards the sun, but when the child looked at it a second time, he understood.   
The flower itself was nothing much but what made it appear in this very place – the subtle combination of water, sun, earth, winds – was the most beautiful thing in existence. But the flower itself, despite all these perfect conditions, would not have been as splendid without the seed it came from.   
It was a bit blurry in his head, he was a little too young to grasp the whole concept of it, but still the sight of this simple flower cheered him up. He wasn't too sure how he was supposed to thank the Hermit but the old man had gone back to drawing figures in the sand, mumbling for himself in a language that had disappeared ages ago, so the boy decided it was better to simply go without a word.  
And on the way, everything looked bright and pure, renewed in its beauty, and he felt better than he had in the last few years. Maybe the Academy would be a good thing, in the end.


	3. Memories

« Leave him alone ! »  
How many times had this cry been answered to with a laugh and more torture ? He felt sick, almost ready to throw up out of pain and hatred. Torvic's fists crashing on his friend's face, Torvic's voice humiliating him, humiliating them both, without mercy or rest, it was too much to bear. Leave him alone – that's all he wanted. If only Torvic could take his hatred on him alone and not on the other, if he could do anything to protect the other...  
The blood dripping from his friend's wounds made his vision go red and yet, he knew very well what he was doing. He could feel the weight of the stone in his hand, he knew exactly how to crash it on Torvic's head to make it all stop, he knew that he had chosen the right weapon. That knowledge made him a little afraid but it was in cold blood that he stroke, smashing the bully's skull as hard as he could, feeling the bones shatter under the weight of the stone.   
His hands were covered in blood now – blood and pieces of what he presumed was Torvic's brain. He was not even old enough to enter the Academy and yet he had already seen his first corpse, a corpse he made himself. For some reason, he remembered with a certain irony the blood-red petals of the flower that the Hermit showed him, not so long ago. Torvic's blood would feed the ground and make a lot of other flowers grow. That's what he was, in the end, the flower grown out of blood.  
Or at least he hoped so.

The dream woke him up and he sat in his bed, panting, sweating as if he just ran for miles – and somehow, he did, he never stopped. He liked to say it began the day he looked into the Intempered Schism but he knew it to be a lie : it all started with Torvic's murder. In his eyes danced the flames in which they burnt his corpse to make sure he would never come back to life, never come to haunt them again, even though he was still unable to regenerate. He remembered Koschei holding his hand so tight it hurt him, he remembered the blank expression on his friend's face, the almost invisible pressure at the corner of his lips, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying.  
Since that day, they hadn't spoken much to each other. When they entered the Academy, the boy who was now called Theta Sigma did his best to share anyone's dorm but his and their classes didn't give them enough leisure time to meet and talk. He was fine with it : seeing Koschei's eyes made him think of that dreadful day and the consequences it had. To him, it seemed that his friend was always tormented, always thinking of some terrible things that he couldn't grasp and that was like torture, for he couldn't help in any possible way. He was far too young and naive and lost in his own confusion to understand anything about Koschei's pain.  
Shivering, he stood at the window and looked at the Capitol laying at his feet. The city reached so far he couldn't swallow it all in one look, which frustrated him to an inimaginable extent. More than anything, he wanted to be able to look at it from above, to see everything in one gaze, to take it all in without having to turn his head. His dream to be an explorer never faded.  
His roommate, Vansell, groaned and called out his name, asking what was wrong, to which he didn't bother to reply. Vansell was a nice guy, sure, a good friend with an impossible nose, but he didn't feel like entrusting him with one of his darkest secrets. He never told him about the nightmare that would wake him up almost every night.   
Vansell was a little older than he was and closer than him to finishing the Academy. They said he had a promising future ahead of him and many saw him as a future member of the High Council, which the young man appreciated a little too much to everyone's taste. Other than that, he was quite discrete and pleasant, never raising his voice, never making enemies, which Theta knew to be a strategy. Vansell was manipulative, deceitful, and he would never give him any kind of grasp over him.  
He stayed at the window until the sun rose completely and the alarm that woke them all up every morning rang. Vansell got out of a bed with another groan, ranting about the few minutes of sleep that Theta had stolen from him, muttering something about Ushas' birthday party that would happen the night after. Ushas was one of Vansell's classmates and one of the brightest when it came to science. She had an incredible grasp of temporal theory and dimensional experimentation, though it was said she tended to use her knowledge to do quite a lot of illegal things. That was never proven and she got away with every accusation easily. She was a tiny little woman with long auburn hair and fiery black eyes who could easily shut anyone up with a simple glare – and that night, she would celebrate her ninety-fourth birthday.  
Theta dreaded that party to come. He was never the last when it came to celebrate something but he knew that Koschei would be invited too and that his education would prevent him from refusing to come. It would be the first time they would see each other in a leisurely context since the incident and the idea made Theta tremble with anxiety. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his old friend – but he still feared the memories that would come out of this meeting.  
There would be at least the whole Deca, the group of students Koschei and him belonged to. Ushas and Vansell were also part of it, as well as six other students. They all gathered around the dominating figure of Magnus, a bright, clever young man who was an expert when it came to building TT capsules, plagued with ambitions so high he could barely contain them. He took the lead of the group very naturally, although Ushas and Koschei didn't seem to appreciate the idea very much, which suited his high hopes concerning the future.   
Theta smiled for himself. Unlike most of the other members of the group, he didn't hate Magnus. As a matter of fact, they had history... Not long after Theta joined the Deca, Magnus started hitting on him. That was obviously something that young Time Lords to be were not supposed to do in a society where touching was regarded as dirty and primitive but Theta already had a reputation – not a very pleasant one – of being compeletely impervious to traditions and customs. He had his first experience with sexual intercourse in Lowtown, where he accidentally landed after a night when he had too much to drink, with a Cerulean prostitute whose house was filled with flowers. He loved those flowers. She said they were called daffodils and the name itself was pleasant to hear.  
Resisting Magnus was not something Theta was keen on doing and as soon as the other showed his interest, Theta did his best to make sure it wouldn't fade away too quickly. Their relationship was brief but intense, filled with excuses to sneak out and share a bed – or any kind of dark corner. Years after, Theta couldn't still decide whether or not the affair ended well.   
Anyway, they were friends, as far as Magnus could be friend with anyone. As years passed by, he became colder and more distant than he ever was, to the point he barely talked to his classmates. Theta wondered if he would come to the party – but the answer was probably yes, since he wouldn't dare to show Ushas any disrespect.  
Well, that would be interesting, whatever the outcome would be. And perhaps, if he was lucky enough, he would be able to avoid Koschei for the night.


	4. Ushas' Birthday

« Millenia, from the House of Brightshore, » announced the doorman while bowing to the small girl whose blue hair clashed hardly with her red dress. Ushas' birthday was an official reception, of course, but that would never convince Millenia to wear something that would match her hair a little better.  
Still smiling, she almost ran to Theta Sigma, who was talking with Rallon, an upper student who happened to be her boyfriend. The two of them were members of the Deca, not the brightest ones but perhaps the most pleasant. Theta enjoyed talking to them and, well, they had a thing together during a very drunken night, a few years ago. Surprisingly enough, it didn't change their relationship at all.  
« Theet, it's so nice to see you. You don't attend Deca meetings anymore, » teased Millenia.   
« I'm busy, » he smiled in reply, running a hand through his hair.  
« Busy, is that what they call it these days ? Anyway, have you seen Ushas yet ? I heard she was really pissed off because Koschei spent hours refusing to come to her party, it took her a while to convince him. I don't understand why he made such a fuss to come, she's his girlfriend, after all... »  
Theta almost spit his drink. Girlfriend ? Koschei, with a girlfriend, with Ushas ? That was quite unsettling. He didn't have time to comment though, as Rallon and Millenia went on to discuss their homework and how difficult it was. The subject didn't interest Theta much. Homework... the last time he actually did his homework was in his early years at the Academy when he wrote an essay about the chromosomal origin of love that got rejected by his teacher. His desastrous grade cured him of any desire to ever work for school and he found himself rather satisfied of this decision. Well, most of the time. It happened that sometimes, he didn't get much of a choice.   
He left Rallon and Millenia to their discussion and started wandering around the party. Ushas invited the whole Deca and everyone she considered as « influential », although the term was a bit too lenifying once applied to students of the Academy. They were not Time Lords yet, they were nothing, but she seemed to think she had an eye to detect those who would become something in their later years. As far as Theta was concerned, what he would become would either one of Lowtown's reject or some kind of renegade who would hold absolutely no power over Gallifrey, and he was totally fine with the idea.  
He caught a glimpse of Koschei discussing with Ushas – or rather hearing her monologue. He hadn't changed. Black hair tied in his neck, small glasses, trying to be as invisible as he could, in which he seemed to succeed very well but not well enough for Ushas to forget him. It was almost tempting to throw away all of his good resolutions and go to talk to him but something kept him from doing so.  
Something that took the shape of a huge silhouette barring his way.   
« Hello, » grinned the young man who suddenly preyed on him. « Missed me, Theet ? You didn't give me back my navigational homework yesterday. »  
« I was busy, Anzor, » muttered Theta, trying to escape his opponent in vain.   
« Busy, heh ? Busy slutting around, like you always do ? That's the deal, Theta-Sigma, you do my homework and I don't use this on you, » he whispered while showing a little device that the young man knew too well. The galvaniser was his nightmare. That thing could hurt someone so badly – could make them regret the day they were born. He had gotten a taste of its effects far too many times to his liking and he was very keen on never experiencing it ever again. He could almost feel tears coming to his eyes and pressed himself against the wall, hoping that it would swallow him and allow him to disappear.   
That kind of thing never happened.  
« Please, Anzor... I promise I'll hand them back tomorrow. Just give me one day, one single day -- »  
The galvaniser cracked and Theta shrieked, trying to make himself as small as possible. It wasn't easy, he was taller and more athletic than many of his companions, being far more interested in running and climbing and jumping everywhere than in staying calmly on his seat, and he suddenly came to regret it. He was paralyzed by fear. Perhaps could he have dodged Anzor, hit him in the face, something – but he was far too scared.  
But then someone pulled Anzor away from him. He was too shaken to hear or understand what was going on but he recognized another student from a different year, Cheevah, a nice guy whom he enjoyed talking to, who was currently standing up to Anzor. He said something about cowardice and disgusting behaviour, he mentioned how pathetic Anzor was, and Theta felt good hearing this – but he ran away, not really willing to face his bully when he would have chased Cheevah away.  
His hands shaking, he grabbed a drink, trying to put on a smile and pretend he was all right. Unfortunately, there was no alcohol and he had to admit that he would have needed a lot of it at the moment. Not far from him, Ushas was standing, keeping Koschei by her side with a firm grip, discussing whatever political or scientific matter interested her with Magnus. For a second or so, Theta felt amused by how desperate Koschei looked... but he chose his own path. Dating Ushas was a bad idea, he should have guessed it before he threw himself in the mantis' claws.  
He caught a glimpse of Magnus eyeing at him and smiled, trying to hide the fear that relinquished in him. Perhaps, if he could get to share his friend's bed that night, the day after wouldn't be that bad.


End file.
